Lessons From the Past

My grandmother raised 13 children.  Only three on them were hers.  Ten were foster children.  Most of them were actually brothers and sisters (they had the same mom)  The oldest of the children came to her when she was 16.  The youngest was a baby.  One of those "kids"(who had polio as a child and is a little simple minded), now in her late fifties, still lives with her.
My grandmother was German.  She was from Berlin.  At 16, she met my then 19 year old grandfather (who was a prisoner of war in Germany), fell in love, became pregnant, clandestinely married him and right after the war, move with him to his family house.  For the next three years, her in laws were awful to her.
My grandmother knows survival, she survived a war and discrimination.  She is tough, strict, and hardworking.  In 1948, after a brief separation, my grandparents move to the home my grandmother stills inhabits today.  After having three children, she learned there were many children in orphanages in France.  Many farmers would welcome them in their homes as foster kids.  They would receive a small monthly compensation, some toiletry items and a yearly budget for two cheap pair of shoes.  When they were not going to school, these kids were often free workers on the farm.
My grandfather had his own business.  He was a carpenter.  My grandmother approached him about fostering.  The first two teen girls came.  They had significant addiction problems.   As babies they were soothed to sleep with whisky mixed to milk.  My grandmother was able two refocuss their energy toward less self destructive behaviors, and quickly the social worker approached her and asked if she could take in 5 siblings ranging from 8 to 16 year old.  She did. Later, two more children from the same family (twins) joined them.  My grandparents had two bedrooms on the first floor of the house.  One of those was theirs.  My grandma transformed a small living room into an additional bedroom.  Later, my grandfather built two more bedrooms in the attic.  There was only one bathroom in the house.
You must be wondering where I am going with this.  The thing is, I have been thinking a lot about my grandmother this week.  Everything we ate this week (but for the etnic food), I would have eaten at her table.
She raised chicken and grew a garden, she canned, and pickled.  I found myself using some of her "tricks" this week or thinking about them.

1. She did not put pots and pans on the table (except for special occasion when she would use pretty serving plates).  She would serve and remove.  Out of sight, out of mind.  If you wanted/needed more and you had cleaned out your plate, she would serve you what you wanted.
2. She would only serve one day old baguette that she would "age" in a large plastic bag.  That way it did not feel crispy and we would not eat it all in one day.
3. She made everything from scratch.
4. She often served soup and stew before meal or as a meal.  It fill you up.
5. She would involve the kids in the planting, harvesting, cooking and canning.  It gave them all appreciation for the food.
6. She always made the food tasty enough (so they would eat) but never great enough that they craved it.
7. Other than fruits, dessert were special and really appreciated.
8. Everyone participated from getting the meal on the table to cleaning up at the end.
9. They all ate together every night.

Most of those children actually "made it" in life though they had a rough start.  Not all did.

My grandmother did not give children a roof. She gave them survival and life skills.  One of my friends shared with me that many people do not want the fresh food at the food pantry because they do not know what to do with it.  I did not grow up in this country but from what my friends tell me, when they were in middle school and high school there were classes to teach them some basic cooking skills.  I had those classes back home.  Today those are optional.  

One of the reason we ate a balance and pretty healthy diet this week (so far) is that I did learn to cook as a teen and continue do to so as an adult.  I recognize that I am now usually more of a "semi-home-made" kind of a girl, but I have not forgotten the lessons from the past.

I do teach my kids how to cook.  I will admit that my girl is better at it but I think that's because my son has no problem replacing sustenance to taste.

If nothing else, weeks like these are great opportunity to revisit with them the lessons from the past and to tell stories about ancestors they do not see very often.

I also have to admit that I "bended the rules" today.  The SNAP challenge allows for us to use condiments we had.  Well, we always eat our lentils with French mustard and we did not have any.  I contemplated going to Mc. Donalds and helping myself to one or two packs of mustard.  Instead I asked my Head of School if I could take the mustard that has been in our fridge at school for a while.  She agreed.  To compensate for the "infraction", I fed another teen at our table tonight.  I feel OK about it.  A great Rabbi once told me that I did not have to be good at everything, just good enough.  For today, this is my "good enough".